Bittersweet

In the dark, behind the mosquito net, after prayers and during the round of goodnight hugs and kisses, I hear between sobs, "Mommy, please. Don't let another puppy die tonight." Ugh. If that's not enough to tear my heart right out, I don't know what is. Our German Shepherd gave birth to nine fluff balls at the end of May. Although messy and demanding at first, they have been so loved by all. They've survived the love (abuse) of three kids three years old and under. They made it through thunder storms outside - one that knocked down 20 papaya tress in one night. They were fat little happy buddies that could chew a flip flop like nobody's business. Unfortunately, we didn't deworm them in time to save them all. Apparently, they needed the medicine earlier in life than a dog living in a house in America. We didn't take the dirt life into consideration. So... After watching them all begin to fade and stop eating, we dewormed them, and I did my rounds three times a day with kids chewable antibiotics and a rehydration drink I squirted into their clamped mouths with a baby aspirator. Five of them died, but Jesus, my veterinary assistant Jonah, and I were able to save four.

That same week, our boy pig, Wilbur, wrapped himself too tightly around the tree he was tied to, and died. A few days later, the female pig, Charlotte, got a pretty serious virus. She stopped eating, so Tyler decided to give her the rehydration drink that I was giving the puppies. Her muscles were all giving out, so she choked on the drink and died. 

I walked back from the pig house praying, "Lord, what are You doing? This just seems to be beyond coincidence." I told Jonah the second pig died, and he said out of desperation, "What is going on around here? What is The Lord doing?" Tyler came back from the pig house a while later. He said, "The Lord is doing something with all of these animals. In all of our best intentions and efforts, we choked that pig to death." 

Animals here in Uganda represent money and security. In all of our best intentions and efforts, we have been trying to offer a way for our friends to make good money and be secure. And in doing so... we are doing some damage. We don't give out a TON of free handouts, but we do share what we have. If they need something in town, rather than walk an hour there and back, they go when Tyler is heading that way in the car. When their kids are sick, we give them medicine. We have a free "clinic" here where we wrap boo boos and hand out ibuprofen at least once a week. Yes, teaching them the Scriptures and spreading the Gospel come first. But there are so many simple physical needs that we can easily meet. So we do. But without destructive details, we're noticing that our influence and help is doing a great disservice to their hearts. I mentioned in the past that we have been attempting to get our employees off of depending on a salary from us. We have been working diligently to allow this to happen.

Not only financially, but more importantly, spiritually speaking, we are noticing the same effects. We are not "title" people, but for the sake of clarity, I am about to use titles and positions... Bear with me. Two years ago, there was a great need for a firm foundation around here. So, there was an American senior pastor, an American youth pastor, an American women's ministry leader, an American Sunday school director, three American Sunday school teachers, and an American teaching the village outreaches. Julius has always been the worship leader. ;) Except for the senior pastor position, one by one, The Lord has removed each American from those positions and has replaced them with a strong, discipled Ugandan. AND THEY ARE DOING AWESOME! They needed a firm foundation, and now they are strong. They are able to minister to their people so much more effectively than we could ever dream of doing. 

In order to not choke out the great fruit the is blooming right now, we need to be removed from the picture also. All of our "help" is hindering their growth. Tyler has been in bed for two weeks now, unable to stand. He is super weak, and weighs 115 dripping wet. The Lord has knocked him down to prove He doesn't need Tyler. (He is recovering-by the way.)

So, after much labored prayer and consideration, we believe The Lord is removing us from this beautiful sanctuary He has created and graciously allowed us to be a part of. We will be coming back to the States before Christmas... Hopefully before Thanksgiving.

I'm doing my best not to stress about the homeschooling as this is a major change that will affect our schedule. And if we end up 4 months behind in school... in the grand scheme of things... we will be just fine. Just had to add that for when I look back and read this in a couple weeks when I'm freaking out and trying to remember why on Earth we just flew over the ocean with six exhausted kids that are puking from bacteria they have never been introduced to. Then I will realize that it's a-ok to not have it all together, especially pregnant with our seventh blessing. (Yes. That's an official announcement too. Ha! We are just overwhelmed with good news these days!)

Of course we have considered the unknowns. Will the church continue in our absence? What about the 50 kids that meet under a tree every Thursday to hear about Jesus? Will someone continue going or will it be too much of a sacrifice to get to that tree? What about Catherine? Bismark and Julius have land to farm, but she has none. Will Bismark continue to let her use his? What about us? We are a family of eight (soon to be nine) with no house, no car, no job. What will The Lord have us to do now? I have realized that none of that is of my concern. My only concern is to walk in obedience to my God. So in confidence, I put all of my questions and worry into His hands knowing that His ways are far above mine. And He loves these Ugandans who have become like family much more than I ever could.

So there's our big news. We will be staying with my mom (imagine how excited Grandma is!) in Syracuse for a while until we get our heads on straight and get used to flushing a toilet and driving on the right side of paved roads again. (Woah, I haven't driven a car in a really really really long time. And car seats... I foresee much toddler objection.) Thankfully, Tyler's parents live 5 minutes from my mom, so we can share our time pretty easily. We plan to visit some saints that have been so faithful to pray for us. If you have any questions or anything you don't want posted in the comments, you can always email either one of us.

Thanks for your prayers. Not sure what The Lord will do next, but I wouldn't have traded this experience for all this world can offer. Uganda has been the best gift any of us could have received. I have learned to be content and thankful with much or little, and 1/2 cup full of sesame seeds for breakfast is better than an empty cup. I have learned that programs and retreats are great, but lasting spiritual fruit comes from purposeful discipleship, and unconditionally loving one person at a time. I have learned that time spent with the ones you love should never ever ever be taken for granted. I have learned that those most humble worship Jesus in most sincerely. I have learned that no language, skin color, past sin, economic status, age, gender, nationality, tribe or culture can stop the fellowship of the Holy Spirit between believers. I have learned that philosophical debate between born-again believers only causes unnecessary division, and the gospel of Jesus is simple and rich and enough. I have learned much by quietly observing, and most people who want my opinion will ask. I have learned that I can change no one. Change is completely up to The Lord. I have learned that worshipping in your own language is precious and priceless. I have learned to not lean on my own understanding, but to trust in The Lord and acknowledge Him, for He HAS made my path straight. I have learned that God will in fact be my refuge and strength, as He has seen us through many times of trouble. I have learned that if humble believers pray and seek The Lord, He will forgive their sins and heal their land. I have learned that God is faithful to stand true to every single one of His promises that He promised in the whole big Bible. And I have learned that I am nothing without Him.