Clay in the Hand of the Potter

Many of you know we have had some pretty special visitors here in our little hut recently. My sweet friend Gabbi came to be our "lapidi" for a little while. We had to think up a title for her since it is so common for men to have multiple wives. Many women with children also have a "lapidi," or a nanny. As soon as we began introducing her as this, rather than our friend or sister, people completely understood. We PRAISE GOD for our Acholi friends who walk us through simple things like this! In order for her not to travel back to the States alone, two of our favorite people on the planet came over to escort her home. Pastor John and Pastor Scott were an incredible encouragement to us. We know many people made some sacrifices to allow them to be with us... wives back home in a blizzard and such... but thank you. It meant a real lot to us.

After quite some time here, Gabbi asked me how my walk with The Lord has changed since being in Uganda. I wanted to tell her how my faith had increased, and my prayer life was powerful, and God's voice has become audible. The truth is, at the time Gabbi asked me that, I was begging The Lord to restore my joy. I was turning into a grump. It had been a really long time since I had even sensed the Lord's presence, let alone hear His voice. And my faith... Since living in Uganda, I have prayed the same desperate prayer a shameful amount of times. "God, are you even real?" 

I guess I didn't answer her question quite that bluntly, but I told her I was in survival mode. Temps were reaching 115 or so in the shade at that time. Even if you're not hungry, you better eat. Even if you're not thirsty, you better just keep drinking or you're going to drop to the ground. "To be perfectly honest, my walk with Jesus is a bit like that right now, " I told her. " I know I better read my Bible and pray or I will not survive this. My walk with The Lord was much stronger in the States, but I was spoon fed the cream of the crop three times a week. Now, I might get into a translated Bible study once a month." 

In America, I was able to wake before my children, make some coffee in five minutes, sit on my overstuffed comfy couch and spend some sweet quality time with Jesus before facing any given day. Now, as soon as my feet hit the ground, no matter what time it is, Samuel is awake. I cannot leave him to play as I read because we have a 314 square foot home. The other five children will wake up, creating mayhem before 6AM. A great quote I hear often from my friend Caroline is, "I will bear with the condition." Basically, "Quit whining and deal with it."

Through a good lot of days of prayer, and a series of events, The Lord spoke loud and clear to me that I was discontent, and that was why my joy was gone. I am truly content with cooking on a fire, living in a hut with a grass roof, 100 degree days, pumping water. All of that is fine with me. I was not content with my own spiritual life. I wanted to go back to the way things were in Farmington. I wanted a place where I could safely leave my children in order to sit alone for an hour or so just soaking up the Son. There was a time for that, and it was necessary to strengthen me for what I didn't know would lie ahead. 

Then I went down to the potter's house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make.

Jeremiah 18:3-4

Rather than look back and wish for that same relationship I once had with Jesus, He is challenging me to accept the fact that things are different now. I feel very much like that piece of clay on the Potter's wheel. I thought that vessel God was creating back there in Farmington was just fine. He saw a glaring flaw called pride in that vessel that needed to be removed. He saw a girl who depended on a pastor to sustain her, rather than Jesus. His ways are far above mine, and I embrace the crushing down of the clay in humility in order to be used in a way that brings glory and honor to my Maker.

And so today, (because I cannot promise that this stubborn heart won't wander) today, rather than "bearing with the condition," with all of my heart I want to embrace the will of God. Rather than lay in bed and half-sleep/pray in order to not wake up Samuel, BY GOD'S GRACE, I get up, strap him to my back, and meet with Jesus outside. Rather than pout in my own heart about the fact that I don't get to enjoy as many Bible studies as I'd like, I find toddlers who will stay with me and my little ones in order to free up some other hungry mommas. Joy is restored. I am so very thankful that the Lord has worked this out in my heart.

All that time I had no joy, I was just kicking against God's best for me. The Lord knows what we all need in order for Him to use us as His prized chosen vessel. He wants to fill us with the Holy Spirit.

If anyone cleanses himself from the latter (dishonorable things), he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.

2 Timothy 2:21