I AM

Seasons of life are interesting to look back on. It's easy to learn lessons from the situations Jesus has led me through. It's easy to look back on yesterday - or an hour ago- and realize how I could have acted differently. It's easy to look back on a time and see how the hand of God was leading, stretching, protecting, pouring out His grace. But when Jesus meets me IN THE MOMENT, and reminds me that He is the I AM, I am undone. 

"Jesus... said unto them, Whom seek ye? They answered him, Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus saith unto them, I am he... They went backward, and fell to the ground."

John 18:4-6

This season is a bit busier than maybe any other season I've been through yet. That's not a bad thing. It just means I need to be purposeful and prayerful as I prioritize and manage my time. Some days that comes easy. I read my Bible, children obey for the most part, schooling goes smoothly, and Mt. Washmore at least shrinks some.

 

 

Then there are those days that are not too pretty. We'll just leave it at that. 

 

A few Friday's ago looked like the latter. Ok, I hadn't read my Bible in days, half of my kids and I were sick, and the house looked like a bomb went off. No joke, I had children (a few) doing cannon balls into half-folded laundry stacks on my bedroom floor when my husband walked in from work. Rather than remark on what his expectations may have been after a long day at work, he saw the desperation on my face, told all the kids to get in the car, and away they went to find dinner. That right there speaks volumes of the character of this man God has BLESSED me with. But that's a different story. 

So there I was with a quiet house. These days, there are usually 12 beautiful children gracing the rooms of my home. It gets loud and messy and hilarious at times. That Friday I wasn't thinking about children like Jesus thinks about children. I was exhausted, weary, and overwhelmed. Tapped out of anything else to give or strength to serve, I thought, "Maybe I should get away for a day and just be by myself. Even Jesus needed to get away from the crowds that surrounded Him. What did He do when He got away? Oh. The only time I remember Jesus getting alone was to pray. Hmm.." 

Needless to say, the flood gates holding back everything I had bottled up that week let loose and so did the well of tears. Jesus got it all in those few minutes of a silent house. 

And right there in my bathroom, as the baby's changing table I was leaning over turned into a small pool, He reminded me that He alone is the I AM. I don't need a day to myself. I need a heart that is filled up. I was empty. I'd given all I could muster up. I needed to prioritize my time, and make meeting with Him at the very top of my to-do list. He alone is the One who wants to fill me up if I'd just stop to ask Him to. A day to myself would do nothing -NOTHING- compared to five minutes in the presence of the Living God Who is and supplies all that I need for the life He has chosen for me. 

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

So once the repentance and receiving had commenced, and the flood subsided, I looked around at the disaster and decided, "Who cares?" So my lunch dishes are still stacked in the sink, children were naughty today, noses keep running, and laundry piles high. In the grand scheme of things, who cares? 

I grabbed the kickball and met the rest of my family at the field for the championship game with a new song in my heart. 

 

And it doesn't end there. My pastor preached the -exact- same message that Sunday evening that the Holy Spirit preached to me Friday in my bathroom. Because God is just good like that.
 

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

Galatians 6:9-10