Notebook: July 2, 2011

I know I need to record all that God speaks to my heart. I am a weak girl, and I know I'll forget His Words. I'll flail about in my flesh if I don't remember His desires and His calling in this whole thing. My birthday was last week. God gave me a great gift- NOTHING! Really! He wants me to possess NOTHING! Even if it's rightfully mine, He wants me to let go and offer it ALL back to Him. My family. My security. My comfort. My possessions. My health. My money. It's all His. What a gift! Tyler has been talking about selling our things. We have a lot we don't use. Then he mentioned the couches. I guess at that point - no couches - I realized we'll be leaving with nothing. If we return, we will be returning to nothing. But really... who cares? I'm not sad that I don't have my first big-girl-bed blanket, or my first baby doll... things I might want to save for my kids. What does all that matter when there are kids who don't have shoes, food today, or the hope of Christ? After my couch battle in my mind, this is what I read in my Oswald Chambers kitchen devotional for June 27th (my birthday):

I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord. Jeremiah 1:8
"Wherever God sends us, He will guard our lives. Our personal property and possessions are to be a matter of indifference to us, and our hold on these things should be very loose. In essence, Jesus says, 'I will guard your life. If you try to guard it yourself, you remove yourself from My deliverence.'"

A beautiful gift of Nothing.

Shannon's Bible study on June 28th confirmed God's will to go. He gave me scripture.

And in very deed for this cause have I raised thee up, for to shew in thee my power; and that My name may be declared throughout all the earth. Exodus 9:16

He spoke extremely clearly. I cried and cried. We were in Esther. "If I perish, I perish." Perfect. So I'm going. By the grace of God, this family will be carried by Jesus to Uganda.

**As I write this, Tyler is watching Woody Woodpecker on the computer with the boys. He just called me in there to see a commercial that came on about the "Invisible Children" in Northern Uganda. That's not a commercial you see every day!